Akatsuki and the New York City Wedding
by AkiraDawn
Summary: Akatsuki is going to be in a wedding! The Leader's nephew is getting married in New York City! Is New York City really ready for Akatsuki? Rated for language and a few other inuendos. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1 The Wedding

Akatsuki and the New York City Wedding

I don't own Naruto or any of it's characters.

Some Background…

Recently, 'The Leader's nephew has announced the engagement to Deidara's sister's friend Audrey. They are getting married in New York City, 'The Leader' has requested the presence of Akatsuki to be in the wedding procession. Why not? What could possibly go wrong? Besides, none of Akatsuki has seen New York City and this would be a most perfect opportunity.

"Oh my god! I like so can't believe this, we're so like flying first class to New York City….for three days, yeah!" Dana exclaimed to Deidara.

"I know Dana! It's going to be three days of New York City pizzazz, yeah!" Deidara told her. Everyone was waiting in the airport for their plane to depart. Itachi hadn't let go of Dana's hand from the moment they had arrived at the airport, honestly, Itachi was in the best mood ever….absolutely no rage. But then again, anyone who was spending 3 days in a hotel with their girlfriend wouldn't be enraged.

"I can't help but be a little excited for this. I can't believe we're staying at The Hilton on 5th Avenue." Sasori said to Kisame.

"Yeah, and we get to eat free because we're with the wedding party, I hear Dana's friend is loaded and so is 'The Leader's' nephew, so I bet we'll have one kick ass wedding dinner." Kisame said.

"Okay, Kakuzu would you just shut up, seriously! You know how freaked out I am by planes! Really, I don't care what you say I'm praying the entire way there and if you have a problem with it then I will stuff you into the plane's bathroom." Once again Kakuzu and Hidan were arguing. Tobi had his throw-up bag ready, he had terrible motion sickness. Zetsu was getting annoyed by a little kid who kept poking his head.

"Oh my god, Itachi, listen to this, yeah. My friend got us dinner reservations at the infamous Tavern on the Green, yeah." Dana said, her blue eyes shinning.

"What you mean like all of us?" Itachi asked.

"No, I mean like just you and me, yeah." Dana answered.

"No….fucking…way….Dana that kicks ass!" Itachi squeezed her nearly in half.

"Oh my god, I know, yeah." Dana said.

"Attention all passengers: Continental Airlines Flight 31 to New York City will be departing from gate B3 in approximately 30 minutes, please have your boarding passes ready at the gate. Thank you for flying Continental, have a great flight." An announcer came over the intercom.

"Come on that's us, let's get moving." Sasori said. Since Sasori was the brains of the Akatsuki operation, he decided to lead everyone to the gate. Even though Itachi, Deidara and Dana were dressed better he bet that they probably couldn't find the gate in 30 mintues. Tobi kept rolling over people's feet with his carry-on luggage and Hidan kept hitting people with his oversized man-purse. However, Saosri had found the gate and 9 boarding passes later, they were sitting in first class for the flight to New York City.

"Psssst. Hey, Kisame, you wanna get a bet going?" Saosri asked as he made himself comfortable in the ultra soft first class seating.

"Always." Kisame said.

"Okay, what will you bet that it doesn't take Itachi and Dana 10 minutes to be having sex in the airplane's bathroom?" Sasori loved to get these sexual bets going, over the years he had won approximately $347 dollars betting on Itachi and Deidara's sex lives.

"I got $10 says they won't do it, Dana's dressed too nice." Kisame said.

"Hell no, $15 says they'll be in there the minute this flight is airborne." Zetsu said.

"Okay, I got $20 says they'll be in there after drinks are served." Sasori said, and so the betting began. It was decided that the winnings would be split among the bidders.

"Oh my god! Deidara, the stewardess is like getting ready to go over the safety stuff, yeah. I can't wait until she does the part where you can use the seat as a floating device, yeah!" Dana said, her blue eyes sparkling.

"I know and just think Dana, we finally get to see what a real airplane bottles of liquor looks like, yeah!" Deidara said with equally shimmering blue eyes.

"Kakuzu, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard anybody say! Of course first class tickets are more expensive, that's why it's first class, seriously!" Hidan argued.

"Well, fine! But how was I supposed to know that?" Kakuzu said.

"It's common knowledge, dumbass, really!" And their fighting continued throughout the safety presentation.

"Passengers, this is your pilot speaking, we'll be departing the airport for New York City in approximately 10 minutes. Our flight is non-stop to JFK International we should be in the air for 3 hours. Thank you for flying Continential Airlines." The intercom clicked off.

"Hi! I'm Laura, I'll be serving first class today. Can I get you anything to drink?" the stewardess asked Kisame and Zetsu.

"I'd like a Diet Coke." Kisame answered.

"I'll just have water, thanks." Zetsu answered.

"I'll take ginger ale with a slice of lemon please." Sasori requested. The stewardess continued her way back through the first class passengers. Hidan and Kakuzu stopped arguing long enough for Hidan to request wine and saltine crackers so he could have an instant communion. Tobi wasn't sure what was going on and he was fascinated with the flip down laptop desks, so he didn't get anything to drink. Naturally, Itachi and Deidara and Dana had to be a little more complicated…

"I have to like, take a birth control pill, so do you like have something without ice, but yet it's still cold, yeah? I just like so hate ice in my drinks when I'm taking the pill, yeah." Dana said. The stewardess indicated that it wouldn't be a problem.

"Do you serve smoothies? I would love a raspberry smoothie. Wait, maybe not raspberry, I'm thinking Mango….no….no not mango….how about pineapple, yes! Pineapple! Wait….wait not pineapple…." Itachi was having trouble.

"Well sir, if it helps we only have strawberry, raspberry and melon flavored smoothies." The stewardess said.

"Who the fuck would order melon? I'll take the raspberry." Itachi said.

"Is it too late to get a mocha cappuccino with the whipped topping and cinnamon, yeah? Oh my god, I only so love those, yeah. But is it made with skim milk and low fat whipped topping, well actually maybe I just shouldn't get the whipped topping, yeah, Okay, yeah I'll take the cappuccino made with skim milk only and no whipped topping but I would like the cinnamon, yeah. " Deidara told the stewardess. She ran off to retrieve her drink cart. The journey to New York City had officially begun!


	2. Chapter 2 The Flight

"Yessssss! Pay up!" Sasori was thrilled because he had just won the bet, Dana had gone back to the bathroom but it wasn't just any trip to the bathroom, Itachi would take off soon after her.

"Damn, Sasori it's like you have mind reading powers or something!" Zetsu said paying Sasori his $15.00.

"It's not that Zetsu, after 2 years you learn the sexual patterns really." Sasori answered. Kakuzu and Hidan were still arguing and frankly Tobi had to figure out a way to stop it. It wasn't that their incessant arguing and bickering bothered him; it was that he wanted in on it too. And so, he made a comment not related to anything they were arguing about…

"Oh yeah, well I think ping pong is a sport!" Both Kakuzu and Hidan looked at Tobi, and they both shut up immediately. Deidara had his head buried in the latest issue of 'In-Style' when Itachi had one of his first dramatic moments he had ever had since he and Dana finally got together.

"Oh shit….oh god…this is….how can I be this stupid!"

"You packed all the condoms in the luggage didn't you, yeah?" Deidara didn't look up from his magazine.

"Yes." Itachi said more than pissed.

"Get in the inside pocket of the carry on stashed above us, yeah." Itachi narrowed his eyes.

"Why would you pack condoms on the carry on?"

"What you honestly think I didn't know you would be banging my sister 20 minutes into the flight, yeah? I knew you wouldn't pack them in carry on, yeah." Deidara didn't look up from the pages of 50 hot summer styles. Itachi just stared at him some more and began to dig through the carry on luggage.

"So, Kisame, what do you say we go for dinner at the Hard Rock Café while we're in the city. I've always wanted to do that!" Zetsu said.

"The only reason you want to do that is to see the Led Zeppelin display, but I think we should go, I hear the food is great and the prices are reasonable." Kisame told him.

"Hey you listen to me….you be gentle with her…Dana's wearing 4 inch heels today and she's very protective of her shoes, yeah." Deidara told Itachi.

"In case you forgot, I'm not going to be anywhere near her shoes." Itachi said rolling his eyes.

"Then you have obviously never had sex in an airplane bathroom….you'll be very close to her shoes, yeah." Again Deidara didn't flinch as he said this.

"How do you…..when have you? Oh never mind! God!" And Itachi left in a semi-dramatic fit.

27 minutes and one magazine article later

"Kakuzu! You are nothing but a dumb fuck! Okay first off, you interrupted my chanting and secondly the Empire State Building is NOT a state, really!"

"Then why is it called that?" Kakuzu insisted.

"Because! New York is the EMPIRE state! It's like a nickname, seriously!"

"Oh my god! Itachi, that is like….like oh my god it's a good thing you kept me from screaming, otherwise people would think we were having sex in there, yeah!" Dana said a little too loudly, because the prood passengers behind her, Deidara and Itachi heard this comment.

"So, Dana are you and Audrey going to have girls night out before the wedding, yeah?" Deidara asked her.

"Hell no, she's got a corn cob shoved up her ass because she's getting married, I'm just here for the free trip to New York with my favorite brother, the hot Armani bridesmaid dress, and a trip to Manolo Blahnik and Dior yeah."

"Oh is she one of those Bridezombies, yeah?" Deidara asked. Itachi rolled his eyes.

"Deidara, it's called a Bridezilla!" He said scowling.

"Oh…..well, is she one of those, yeah?" Deidara still wanted to know.

"She is like such a Bridezilla. I dread the rehearsal because she is going to be all 'it's all about me bitch' and she's going to go on and on about how this is her special day and that she feels like a princess and I'm going to be like, look I'm here to get drunk and get laid, yeah." Dana said.

"Why is this girl even your friend?" Itachi asked.

"She's not really anymore, I mean we were but ever since she got engaged, she turned into a total bitch, if that's what marriage turns you into then I just want to like….not get married. Besides, I have way too much fun with Deidara and I don't have to worry about you ever asking me to marry you, yeah." Dana said to Itachi.

"Oh my god, Dana! You make it sound like we have insects or something, yeah. Hurry! Say it like different, yeah." Dana laughed.

"Oh, guess what Deidara, Itachi says the word is incest not insects, yeah."

"Oooooooh….we should tell mom that, yeah."

"Hey, what do you think our roles will be in this wedding?" Sasori asked Kisame.

"I think that you, Itachi and Deidara will be groomsmen, I think I'll be in charge of the guest book, Hidan will be the fill in minister if the minister doesn't show up, Dana is obviously a bridesmaid, Tobi and Kakuzu will be ushers." Kisame said. Hidan and Kakuzu were arguing less at this point, they were finally wearing each other out. Honestly, by this point they had been in the air for a while, in fact Tobi was looking at the In Style magazine and frankly, it confused the hell out of him. He couldn't understand why the 'must have' for women was lip gloss and the men's 'must have' was aviator sunglasses. He didn't know what an aviator was…

"What if Orochimaru tries to call us while we are here, you know he's going to find out and then be all pissed that he wasn't invited." Sasori said.

"Well, your RAZR has a silent feature…just don't answer it." Zetsu was such the genius.

"Attention passengers, please fasten your safety restraints as we will be dropping altitude. We will be approaching JFK International Airport in approximately 24 minutes, thank you." The pilot made the announcement and the excitement began to build up.


	3. Chapter 3 Hotel New York!

"Oh my god! We are going to so be checking in to the Hilton, yeah! Oh my god! I so can't wait, yeah." Dana was beside herself, she made Itachi get ready to get her Louis Vuitton Carry on bag down from the overhead storage. After the final stretch of the flight, the plane began to hit the runway…

25 minutes, lots of falling baggage, and a long line to baggage claim later…

"Hidan! We've been watching the fucking luggage roll around for 12 minutes! Will you quit thinking that your hand will get sliced off if you pick up your baggage! God!" Kakuzu was pissed and so was everybody else because Itachi, Deidara, and Dana were loaded down with too much luggage, Kisame, Sasori, Tobi and Zetsu were embarrassed because they didn't have enough luggage and Hidan and Kakuzu were fighting about luggage. Finally, Hidan pulled his luggage off the conveyer belt but he couldn't help but scream the entire time he did it.

"Um, does anyone know how to get to the hotel?" Kisame asked as they all stood there like idiots among the crowded JFK airport.

"You know. I never thought to get directions before 'The Leader' left." So Sasori flipped out the RAZR and called 'The Leader' who was already at The Hilton. It took Sasori at least 10 minutes to get directions from 'The Leader' mainly because Sasori was trying to write it down and hold the cell phone at the same time. Actually, the directions were quite simple…Sasori was just making it a lot more difficult. Finally he hung up and it was determined that since they had so much luggage, they had better flag a cab rather than take the subway.

"Oh! I'll flag the cab, yeah! I did this in Paris once with dad!" Dana said. It was probably the best option; she was the one wearing the sexy high heels. So, now outside the airport Dana looked around with luggage nearly covering her. "TAXI! TAXI YEAH! TAXIIIIIIIIII!" Dana was flailing around like crazy and it didn't take long for a cab to pull up. Now the next problem….they needed 2 cabs because only 5 could cram into this cab…Deidara to the rescue…his method of flagging a cab was to jump out in front of one…it came to a screeching halt and the driver looked a little pissed, nonetheless now they were each crammed into 2 cabs…

One near death cab ride to 52nd street later…

"How much was your cab fare?" A panting Sasori asked Hidan who had been in the first cab.

"Thirteen dollars even, seriously." Hidan answered.

"Yeah, what a total rip off." Sasori answered. However, there they were in front of the glorious Hilton New York City. Deidara and Dana were ready to cry over the glamour of it all. Now, we'll bypass the checking in process because the debate over who was going to share rooms with who was much more entertaining…

"Damn this place is unbelievable! We're staying on the 12th floor!" Zetsu said as the crammed elevator opened up its doors to the fabulous 12th floor.

"Now, let's see, there's 9 of us…" Sasori interrupted Kisame.

"I want to room with Kisame and Zetsu!" Sasori said immediately. "May I suggest that we put the sexual beings in the same room." Sasori said softly to Zetsu.

"Good, idea Itachi, Deidara, Dana you three are sharing a room. So that leaves Hidan, Kakuzu, and Tobi." Zetsu had figured everything out.

"Wait, wait…two of the rooms share a wall…I'm NOT sharing a wall with the sexual ones! In the old apartment I had the misfortune of sharing a wall with those two! Of course…I'd be lying if I said it wasn't educational for me. I learned a lot in that year." Sasori said. Kisame shook his head yes.

"Okay, Hidan, Kakuzu, Tobi you all are the newest you have to share the wall with those three." Zetsu said. It was strange that neither Itachi, Deidara or Dana had anything to say about the matter. At any rate, it was time to unpack.

"Oh my god! Itachi, did I tell you that you and the guys have to be fitted at the Armani Exchange tonight at 7:00, yeah? It's an after hours fitting. Audrey will be there….that bitch, yeah."

"Are you serious Dana!? Are you serious, yeah?" Deidara couldn't believe what sweet little Dana had just said.

"I am soooo serious, yeah." No one knew it yet, but everyone else would freak out when they found out they would have to go to Armani Exchange.

"Okay, I'm going to unpack all of the bathroom stuff, yeah. Now that doesn't mean I'm out of the room so don't have sex right now, yeah."

"Oh my god! Deidara, this like so reminds me of when you and I shared a wall at home, yeah." For a moment Deidara and Dana were caught in a most unusual reminiscence…

"I know Dana! Remember the time I thought you were crying and I knocked on the door and you sooooo weren't, yeah? You were totally moaning instead, yeah." Deidara glowed all over.

"Oh god, I know! And remember when you and that one girl disappeared for like 3 hours, yeah? That was so your first time because you could hear everything through that wall and you were like 'are you ready, yeah' oh god…seriously I so had tears in my eyes that was so sweet!" Dana said

"I know! I know and remember that one time when…" Deidara was interrupted by tears.

"Itachi, baby what's wrong, yeah?" Dana was so comforting.

"Nothing, nothing…it's just…..Sasuke and I have never had moments like that!" Itachi wept on Dana's shoulder.

"Oooh, well baby, maybe….if you didn't yell at him so much, or if you know you didn't do that drama queen thing you do sometimes, or maybe if you two lived together and shared a wall you would have those special times, yeah." Dana said. Deidara slipped away to unpack, Itachi's emotional moment was nothing a long kiss with a lot of tongue couldn't fix…


	4. Chapter 4 The Armani Exchange

Here's my loooooong overdo update! Hope you like it!

"I can not believe we're here at the Armani Exchange in New York City to be fitted for only the sexiest tuxes EVER!" Itachi exclaimed to Deidara, squeezing the hell out of Dana's hand.

"I know, it's like some strange highly fashioned dream come true, yeah." Sasori, Kisame and Zetsu were less than thrilled about this, they didn't like Armani, Armani never fit right on them, and besides, they didn't even know their wedding duties yet. However, the bride to be and the groom, and the entire wedding party were waiting for them at the Armani Exchange.

Dana's friend Audrey was one of those pushy 'everything is about me' brides and so Dana was expecting the brides maids fittings would go horribly, besides Dana was in this for the gown that she got to keep. "I'm Audrey, I'm the bride, this is my future husband and we're going to tell you all what your roll is in the wedding." She beamed all over, Zetsu hated that. "Okay, Dana you're my bridesmaid, you already knew that. Get to the other side of the store where your dress is." Dana rolled her eyes and scurried away. "Itachi, Deidara and Sasori….you three are groomsmen; you'll be introduced to the bridesmaids later. Tobi….you're in charge of the guest book, you ask people if they want to sign the guest book…..GOT IT?" Tobi gleamed all over; he was thrilled to be honored with the guest book duties. "Zetsu, Kisame you two are ushers, Zetsu for the groom's side, Kisame for MY side. Kakuzu, you're in charge of rings…DON'T LOSE THEM!" Audrey screamed at him. "And Hidan well…we don't have a job for you." Audrey said slamming her planner shut. Hidan was a little heartbroken that stupid Tobi and Kakuzu would get a job before him. However, at that moment Audrey's cell phone rang…

"WHAT!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE DON'T HAVE A MINISTER! THIS IS MY WEDDING, MY WEDDING! I WILL HAVE A MINISTER BITCH! I DON'T CARE IF HE'S IN THE HOSPITAL I'M THE BRIDE!" Audrey slammed her cell phone shut.

"Hidan, you're new job is to find me a minister." Hidan nearly cried, he couldn't wait to explain to Audrey that he could be the minister. However, she had already run off to dress her bridesmaids.

42 grueling minutes later

"God, Deidara do I look good or what?" Itachi asked.

"You really do look good Itachi…I mean a white tux really works for you, yeah. I think it's the black hair and the black accents on the tux, yeah." Deidara said.

"You know Deidara….you kind of look like an assassin….that's a good look for you….Dediara?" Deidara had gotten himself sidetracked in a mirror. "Deidara….what are you doing?" Itachi asked.

"I'm bringing sexy back, yeah. I'm thinking I'll wear my hair without the pony tail with this tux, what do you think, yeah?"

"Hmmmm….even more assassin-like, yeah you should do that." Sasori was dressed in a gray tux, it was unexpected but he did look good in it. There were pin stripes through the material so he kind of looked like a pimp if he would have had the pimp hat to go with it.

Meanwhile on the other side of the Armani Exchange…."Audrey, can I show this dress to my boyfriend/groomsman, yeah?" Dana asked. She looked beautiful in her long black dress with a slit in the side of it to make anyone's jaw drop.

"NO!" Audrey said harshly.

"Why not, yeah?" Dana wondered.

"Because Dana, it's all about me it's not about you at all! And him seeing you….well that's less attention on me!"

"Oh well….okay." Dana said, but when Audrey turned around she whispered to herself, "Bitch, yeah."

"Okay, ladies, get changed I have to introduce you to your groomsmen." Audrey announced. And so she took her ladies back across the store. Itachi, Deidara and Sasori had changed clothes and were ready for introductions.

"Okay, Itachi and Dana…you two obviously know each other. So no need to introduce you two. Deidara, this is Camille….Camille….Deidara. Sasori, this is Olivia…now everyone get to know one another. It's my wedding and you all should look perfect walking down the aisle together….PRACTICE!"

"Geez, Audrey is a little pushy isn't she?" Camille asked Deidara in a very shy voice. Camille was very awkward in social situations and she was very soft, spoken. Being paired up with Deidara would be a learning experience.

"Yeah, she is…." Deidara wasn't certain what to say next, he was always nervous around shy girls….because he was crazy about shy girls. "Oh my god! Do you like baby birds, yeah?" Deidara's face lit up all over.

"Baby birds? Sure, they're okay." Camille said quietly. And so Deidara quickly flipped out a wallet crammed FULL of pictures of the precious baby chocobo.

"So, Sasori are you into jazz?" Olivia asked.

"I love jazz!" Sasori answered.

"Me too! Hey you know what, you and I should go to that martini bar tonight, the one with the live jazz band." Sasori said.

"Oh my god, you're serious? You'd rescue me from the bride from hell?" Olivia asked.

"Sure, all my other friends are doing other stuff tonight anyway, Itachi and Dana are going to Tavern on the Green, Kisame and Zetsu are going to Greenwich Village, Hidan, Kakuzu and Tobi are going out for sandwiches, and Deidara is probably going to end up spending the evening with that girl." Sasori said.

"Yeah, yeah okay let's do that." Olivia said.

"Dana, let's leave, we need to get ready for dinner tonight." Itachi said.

"You're right, yeah. Just let me tell Deidara we're leaving, yeah." The first night in New York City was about to transpire…can you just imagine the adventures?


	5. Chapter 5 A Night Out!

"You know you have a lot of pictures of that cute little bird." Deidara's bride's maid Camille said. They had decided to spend the evening in Times Square. They were currently having dinner in a mall Italian place.

"Oh….my….god…Camille! You don't understand how cute she is, yeah!"

"Oooh! It's a she?" Camille was less timid around Deidara now.

"Yes, it's a girl. It's so cute when I give her a bath in the kitchen sink…although sometimes Sasori yells at me for doing that, yeah. But you should see her shake her feathers dry and then she tweets her head off and runs through the apartment….that really pisses Itachi off, yeah." Camille came across a picture of Deidara and Dana together in Paris.

"You're sister is great, and she's so pretty. I wish I was pretty like that." Camille said. It was then that Deidara's heart sunk.

"You're pretty! Have you looked in the mirror lately, yeah? You have pretty green eyes and really shiny hair, yeah. And you have nice skin too; it's very radiant, yeah." It was strange…Deidara wasn't even trying to get her in bed with him, he was just being honest. Deidara loved the way her face lit up when he told her that.

"Did you ever think you would be eating at Tavern on the Green with me?" Itachi asked winking at Dana. She sipped on a glass of champagne.

"Honestly, no, yeah. I always thought if I ever ate at Tavern on the Green it would be with Deidara or maybe daddy…never you." Dana said.

"I need your help why we're here in New York. I want to get Sasuke something…something that says "I'm sorry I killed mom and dad, abandoned you as a brother, fucked up your head, made you have a shitty social life and now you're stuck with that bitch Orochimaru" any ideas?"

"Hmmmm…" Dana dreamily thought for a moment, took another sip of champagne and suddenly her face lit up everywhere. "Oh my god! I know exactly what kind of gift says "I'm sorry I killed mom and dad, abandoned you as a brother, fucked up your head, made you have a shitty social life and now you're stuck with that bitch Orochimaru, yeah!"

"What? What! What is it?" Itachi asked anxiously. Dana glistened like the blonde angel she was.

"A snow globe, yeah!" she said thrilled to pieces. Itachi shook his head. He took a sip of champagne.

"See! This is why I date you, perfect gift-giving ideas! God, Dana! You're a genius…why didn't I think of that!"

"Oh my god…it can be like one of those snow globes that you shake and like little pieces of shiny snow cover the town….oh my god! Itachi….you could get him a New York City snow globe, yeah!" Dana squealed. Itachi hadn't been this wide-eyed since he and Dana got caught having sex in the apartment complex Jacuzzi by Kisame.

"Dana…do you think I could get 'from Itachi' engraved on the side of it?" Itachi asked her.

"Probably so….they can do anything in New York, yeah." Dana said.

"Do you think we'll get made fun of because we went on a shopping spree in Greenwich Village?" Kisame asked Zetsu.

"Hell no. Itachi, Deidara and Dana haven't been to Prada, Manolo Blahnik, Jimmy Choo, Chanel, Dior, Armani or Crate and Barrel yet." Zetsu said.

"Good point. They're going to take up all the space in the suitcases." Kisame said. "Besides, we have got the coolest crap there is! Where else can you find a yard flamingo dressed as Elvis…the leader will love this!"

"Yeah, and these salt and pepper shakers in the shape of a pod of grapes and a jalapeno pepper? How kick ass is that?!" Zetsu said.

"Exactly! And how about those sweater vests?" Kisame said. They both shook their heads approvingly and slapped each other a high five before venturing down another street. Some of their other purchases included a water bottle with a decal that read 'Vote Clinton 1992', a beaded curtain, a stuffed animal octopus for Tobi, a set of silverware with plastic handles for the apartment, a stationary set with inspiration messages written all over it, and 3 bags of party balloons.

"Sasori, this was a great idea to come here. You know I hear that bitch Audrey wouldn't give it up to her fiancée before they were married so she bought some kind of slutty outfit for her wedding night. Ha! As if! She doesn't even know how bad the first time hurts!" Olivia was rather drunk. She and Sasori laughed about this for a good twenty minutes.

"Oh…Oh Olivia do you want another martini?" Sasori asked.

"Sure, let's have another round!" She exclaimed. They probably should have stopped two martinis ago because their conversation was beginning to take an interesting turn.

"Have you ever had sex, I bet you have…not like that Audrey bitch!" Olivia asked loudly.

"I might have, why do you ask?" Sasori asked.

"Because I may want to get in bed with you before this weekend is over I've had so much fun tonight!" Olivia said. Sasori laughed and Olivia laughed just as hard.

"Olivia, Olivia….no one's ever said that to me before! I'll ask you about that again when you're sober!" Sasori said.

"Hey you want to know something funny?" Olivia reached out and placed her hand over Sasori's. "I flew here with Audrey and she was asking me for tips on how to give a good blow job." Olivia and Sasori laughed their asses off. It wasn't that funny, but when you had had too many martinis it was freaking hilarious.

"Do you give a good one?" Sasori asked controlling his laughter long enough to ask her.

"Yeah! She said smiling all over and they both laughed like crazy some more.

"Okay, this was the stupidest idea in the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD! I am NEVER going out for sandwiches with you two AGAIN! God! I should have gone with Kisame and Zetsu! They went discount shopping! God I bet I could have found a sweet replica of the Arc of the Covenant, seriously!" Kakuzu and Tobi took 25 minutes trying to select a sandwich and stupid Kakuzu had to ask for a list of EVERYTHING that was on each sandwich he was considering. Now, poor Hidan had the job of babysitting these two morons all night. Soon everyone would begin returning to The Hilton, but not until Hidan loaded them up on the Metro and took them downtown towards Broadway. It was a great night in the city!


	6. Chapter 6 Rehearsal Day

Well, the night in the city only got more out of control. However, it can safely be said that Itachi was the only one who got laid, Kisame and Zetsu purchased MORE crap to haul back on the plane. Sasori had a hangover from hell this morning and somehow, Olivia woke up in bed beside him….Hidan had tied Kakuzu to a chair that morning because he interrupted Hidan's morning Jassin ritual. Tobi had spent the rest of the evening the night before playing solitaire and Deidara had bonded with his bridesmaid Camille by teaching her how to make 15 different bird species out of Play-Doh in the middle of Times Square…it was kind of weird because they ended up practicing how they were going to walk down the church aisle and Camille had never held anyone's hand before so she blushed all over.

Now today was the rehearsal at the church and the rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal dinner was being held at New York's' infamous The Four Seasons Restaurant. This was a restaurant with a huge price tag, which naturally Deidara, Dana and Itachi couldn't wait to attend….they were comfortable with big price tags. Sasori had rolled out of bed, Olivia was still asleep, he didn't want Kisme or Zetsu to disturb her, so he left a threatening not on the table in between their beds and pulled the covers up around Olivia. Sasori was off to bang on Itachi and Deidara's door to see if they had any headache medicine. It was 9:23 in the morning, Deidara was awake, Itachi and Dana were awake but they were still wrapped up under the blankets in their bed.

"Who's pounding on our door already, yeah?" Deidara asked only dressed from the waist down, he hadn't even worked on his hair yet which was unusual. "Danna? You look hung over, yeah?" Deidara said stating the obvious.

"I am! Do you have any headache medicine?" Sasori asked unamused.

"Of course, hold on…I'll find it, yeah." Deidara went into their bathroom and dug through a bag on the counter.

"Good god! It looks like Victoria's Secret and the John Frieda Salon went to war in there!" Sasori said looking in their bathroom. Dana had EVERY PIECE of her underwear hanging all over the place and the bathroom counter was COVERED in every hair care product, skin product, scented fragrance, moisturizing product, and contraceptive product you could imagine not to mention twelve hangers were hanging on the door and there was the huge Louis Vuitton gament bag Dana had hauled onto the plane, a set of hot curlers, a flat iron, a curling iron, 4 hairbrushes, 17 elastic hair bands, a load of MAC makeup and a Monolo Blahnik dustbag. Sasori actually wondered where the hell their sink was because he really couldn't see it.

"Oh, yeah, Dana doesn't like her underwear to have the suitcase smell, yeah." Deidara said as if the scene in the bathroom was nothing to be concerned about. He kept digging through a huge Chanel cosmetic bag pulling out even more crap.

"God…I am SO glad I'm not staying with you this trip." Sasori said noticing that there were designer clothes strong out from one end of the room to another; which was unusual for Itachi and Deidara because they were very protective of their crazy expensive clothes. Sasori also noticed Dana's bridesmaid gown and two tuxes hanging from the fire sprinkler and it clearly said "do not hang stuff here' in 6 languages and there were 4 pair of Manolo's flung around on the floor. "Okay, Deidara…I think I'll just go ask Hidan." Sasori was getting frustrated.

"No, no danna…it's in here, yeah." Deidara said. "Oh! Here it is! Dana! Here's the nail enamel, the cotton balls and the nail polish remover, yeah! You can redo Itachi's nails now, yeah." He threw all the newly acquired manicure products into bed with them. "Oh my god! I found my Tide to Go Pen, yeah!" Deidara's bug blue eyes lit up.

"You found that!? Good…because I have three stains you need to lift later on today!" Itachi yelled from bed.

"Sasori, Danna…have you ever used the Tide to Go Pen, yeah? Do you have any stains? The look on Sasori's face seemed to say: 'Deidara shove your fucking stain lifter pen up your ass!' "Dana! Your lip gloss! Here it is, yeah." Dana almost got out of bed completely naked and ran to the bathroom to get it…then she remembered Sasori was standing there.

"Deidara…..FORGET IT!" Sasori yelled and he slammed their door behind him. Deidara was heartbroken that he couldn't help Sasori. However, no sooner than Sasori left, he found a package of Midol Menstrual Relief, Advil Advanced Headache Formula, and a bottle of KY Sensual Touch Warming Liquid…he wasn't certain how that got in there…

3 hours later…

The wedding party was in the lobby of The Hilton waiting for Audrey and her groom to take them to the church. Hidan was excited about the rehearsal; he could practice all his minister skills he'd been working on through the years.

"Okay, so Itachi and I decided we're going to The Empire State Building after the rehearsal dinner tonight, yeah. Who wants to come with us?" Dana proudly announced.

"Oh! I'll come with you Dana!" Audrey yelled." This was where having a brother came in handy…

"Look, I would never disrespect a woman, but you've been really mean to my sister, yeah….besides….don't you have some homework to do? You ARE getting married tomorrow…you wouldn't want to be a disappointment in bed on your wedding night would you….that can wreck a marriage……yeah." And to think, Akatsuki had always thought Deidara wasn't very good at blackmail! Audrey's face was a pale as the crappily styled white dress she was wearing. Deidara didn't know anything…he had just made all that up.

"How did you…who told you that I was….never mind Dana!" Audrey said. And so with Audrey's mouth shut, Dana continued looking for takers for the trip to The Empire State Building. Sasori, Kisame, Hidan Olivia, Camille and Deidara would go…Zetsu was stuck babysitting the two morons…

S0 the events for the rest of the day in New York Church rehearsal at 2:00, Rehearsal dinner at 6:00, Empire State Building at 10:30, Bacardi and Smironoff at 11:45!


	7. Chapter 7 The Four Seasons Dinner

"Come on people! This is MY wedding! Walk down that aisle like you mean it!" Audrey screamed at her wedding party as they lined up for the rehearsal.

"Where do I stand with the guest book?" Tobi asked.

"At the guest book podium dumbass!" Audrey yelled. Sasori and Olivia were the first to head down the aisle in the bridal party. They walked well together, they were about the same height and they appeared comfortable together.

"Now, Camille, don't be nervous, yeah. Just hold on to me like we practiced and we'll be fine, yeah." Deidara put his hands on her shoulders trying to make innocent Camille less nervous about walking down the aisle with him.

"Oh…well…uh…okay. But Deidara, there's something I need to tell you." Camille said biting her lower lip.

"What, yeah?" Deidara's eyes were curious.

"You smell really good and you are really gorgeous and so it may be hard for me to focus on walking because I want to just throw my arms around you." Camille said.

"You are just the sweetest thing, yeah." Deidara kissed her forehead….she had never been kissed before, but it made her less tense.

"Okay, Dana, you and I are the only ones worth looking at here. So, when we walk to the front of the church we should be models about it." This was Itachi's strategy for getting all the attention on them…and him of course.

"Well, we are pretty, yeah. But what if Audrey flips out and throws one of those candles at me…those will be lit tomorrow, yeah." Dana said nervously.

"CAMILLE! Quit walking with such insecurity! God!" Audrey yelled at Camille, for the first time….Deidara was pissed….at a woman. He didn't like Audrey talking that way to such a sweet and delicate girl.

"Dana, honey do you honestly think I would let a flaming candle hit you?" Itachi asked holding on to her.

"Well, yeah…yeah." Dana said.

"Honey, it would only hit you because I would be dodging it and I wouldn't be able to pull you away fast enough. I mean look at my hair I have to protect this." Itachi told her.

"You're right; it is perfect hair, yeah." Dana said dreamily. Itachi was getting ready to shove his tongue down Dana's throat when Audrey's harsh screaming interrupted that very quickly.

"DANA! ITACHI! LOOK ALIVE!" Audrey yelled. Hidan was situated at the front of the church where he would do his ministering duties and Kisame and Zetsu were just standing in the back of the church pissed off.

"Man, that woman is a real bitch!" Zetsu said. "I mean she even pissed the fuck out of Deidara and Deidara just doesn't get mad unless it involves being accused of not being a natural blonde, or when Itachi takes his shine-spritzer."

"Yeah, I'm not sure how Dana got in on this wedding, but at least we got a free trip out of it." By 3:30 everyone was relieved that the rehearsal was over. Now it was time to get away from Audrey until the rehearsal dinner at The Four Seasons.

"Deidara, thanks for protecting me from Dana." Camille said as they walked hand and hand (she was getting good at that now) towards the hotel.

"It's no problem, yeah. Hey! You want to go get some coffee with Itachi and Dana, yeah?"

"Oh okay, that sounds good." So they ran off to find Itachi and Dana.

"Hey, here…" Sasori motioned for him. Hidan went over to where Sasori was standing outside the church. "You want to bet on something?"

"Okay, yeah, seriously." Hidan said.

"Ten dollars says Deidara ends up in bed with that dark haired chick he's with before this weekend is over."

"Oh, make it 20 dollars." Kisame said overhearing what was going on.

"Hmmmm….okay 25 dollars says it will happen." Hidan said.

"Nope, 10 dollars says it doesn't happen." Zetsu said.

"Okay, we'll tally up the results at a later time. Sasori said.

4 hours and several makeovers later

The truth was, Dana was prettier than any other girl at The Four Seasons that night up to and including the bride to be.

"Dana, you look absolutely perfect." Itachi said, of course his hand was creeping up her thigh the entire time he said this. She smiled all over.

"Thanks, yeah." He face glowed. Camille was finally at a point where she was comfortable around Deidara, and it appeared that Olivia and Sasori had already ordered a round of martinis because they were starting to get a little bit touchy feely….Audrey was not amused because the only course that had been served thus far was the caprese salad.

"One time me and Dana were in Italy with our dad and we were having dinner and this like total bitch came up to my sister and accused her of having fake boobs, yeah. That like so pissed me off, yeah." Camille's mouth dropped open.

"Oh my god! That's awful, Dana….what did you do?"

"Well, I told her I was a 36B and there was like no way that could be fake, because you know that's a pretty typical bra size, yeah." Dana said. Their conversation was interrupted by Audrey shooting dagger eyes across the wedding party. Her bitchy attitude made her a not so attractive bride.

"Okay, it's time for the toast." She smiled; making certain all attention was on her. Her soon-to-be husband stood and began his 'blah-blah-blah-I'm so happy' speech. Everyone else was just looking forward to the alcohol that would come after the toast. Oh, the night was only going to get more interesting…


	8. Chapter 8 Top of the Rock

"Is it really a good idea for you to wear Manolos to the Empire State Building? Honey there is a lot of standing and a lot of walking." Itachi was trying to convince Dana to change before their trip to the Empire State Building. Dana smiled all over.

"Maybe I can get you to carry me back to the hotel later if my feet hurt yeah." Dana said winking.

"Yeah…okay. I can do that. Oh my god! I have to get Sasuke a snow globe before we get in tonight." Itachi remembered.

"Why don't we go now because Deidara and Camille are trying to read that map and we're waiting on Hidan to quit arguing with Kakuzu about shaved ham and how you don't actually shave a pig to get it." Itachi said.

"Yeah and Kisame and Sasori are changing clothes so we have time, yeah. Let's go."

"Deidara, did you know we've been looking at this map for 9 minutes upside down?" Camille asked leaning into Deidara.

"Oh shit…I do this all the time, yeah. Then I always ask myself why anyone would print street names upside down on a map, yeah. One time when the group of us was on our way to an Atlanta Braves game, I was in charge of the map of the stadium and I had totally backwards….Itachi punched me in the stomach because we ended up on the visitors side, yeah."

"Oh, you like the Atlanta Braves?" Camille asked sweetly.

"No, that was when Orochimaru was in Akatsuki and he won tickets to a game at a KISS Gene Simmons tongue contest, yeah."

"Well that's interesting." Camille said.

"So, you're babysitting Tobi and Kakuzu tonight, what are you three going to do?" Sasori asked.

"Well, there's a Burger King down near Wall Street with a playplace…so I'm going to drop him off in the ball pit while me and Kakuzu go to see a rare stamp collection." Zetsu said. Sasori looked at him oddly. He wasn't certain why anyone would want to go see stamps when you could go to the Empire State Building….but whatever.

34 minutes later, Kisame Sasori, Olivia, Hidan, Itachi, Dana, Deidara and Camille left for the Empire State Building. "Oh my god! Deidara! You'll never believe what Itachi just bought, yeah." Dana said to her favorite brother. Deidara thought a moment and then his entire face lit up.

"Oh my god! He bought Sasuke a snow globe, yeah!?!?"

"YES!" Dana squealed.

"That is so the perfect gift that says I'm sorry I killed mom and dad, abandoned you as a brother, fucked up your head, made you have a shitty social life and now you're stuck with that bitch Orochimaru, yeah." Deidara said.

"I KNOW!" Dana was still squealing.

"I want to see it, yeah." Itachi handed a little bag to Deidara….it was better than a New York snow globe….

"Oh my god! Itachi! A snow globe with a golfer inside of it, yeah! Look! The outside of it says: 'You're a hole in one'. Does Sasuke, golf, yeah?" Deidara asked shaking the globe so it would 'snow' on the golfer.

"No." Itachi said.

"Oh well, is he into sweater vests, yeah?"

"No." Itachi replied.

"Well, he will love this, yeah. If someone screwed up my life like you did his, I would love to get a gift like this, yeah!" Deidara proclaimed. The line for the Empire State Building was long…it was the perfect opportunity for Dana to talk to her girlfriends…

"God, that Sasori he's a real hoot. We had so much fun the other night at the Martini bar." Olivia said.

"He's fun to be around, yeah. You know, I think he really likes you, yeah." Dana said. Olivia smiled, but then she leaned over and whispered something to Dana.

"Well, all I can say is that Sasori is sharing a room with three other guys so you better work out your timing, yeah." Dana said.

"Dana…I'm uncomfortable saying this…but…she whispered something to Dana." Dana smiled and raised her eyebrows.

"Camille, Deidara and I shared a wall for 3 years….I know what he can do….oh and in case you haven't noticed…my brother has three tongues, yeah." Dana loved making people blush and right now she did exactly that.

One hour later, they were ready to get into the elevator that would take them up to the top level. Once there, the doors opened and everyone poured out. The sight from the top after-dark was so breathtaking that Kisame and Hidan teared up. Since it was after dark and the wind was moving it was actually chilly as they all gazed over the New York Skyline. Sasori had flipped out the pink RAZR because he was getting a call from Orochimaru. Deidara wasn't watching where he was going or what he was doing and he ran into Sasori, causing Sasori to drop the beloved pink RAZR over the edge. He watched in horror as the precious phone fell to its doom.

"DEIDARA! YOU FUCKING MORON!" Sasori screamed.

"I'm sorry Danna, I really am, yeah." Deidara blue eyes were nearly in tears over what he had done.

"Oh my god Deidara! You are NOT getting out of this one! This is the dumbest most blondest thing you've ever done! YOU ARE A STUPID FUCK! I lost all of my phone numbers!" Sasori lectured.

"Sasori! The only numbers you had in that phone was the pizza place down the street, Orochimaru and that one girl who called you whenever she wanted to get laid!" Kisame said. Hidan rolled his eyes. After the episode had passed, they all went back to admiring the view.

"I can't believe Godzilla like totally climbed up this building, yeah." Dana said. Itachi had her wrapped up in his arms.

"Dana that was King Kong." Itachi told her.

"Ooooooh, me and Deidara always get those two confused, yeah." Meanwhile on the other side of the 86th floor lookout area Camille was squeezing her shoulders tightly. Deidara and his 3.7 second attention span had forgotten about the fact that he had destroyed Sasori's RAZR.

"Camille? Are you like cold, yeah." Camille smiled.

"No, I'm okay." She lied and Deidara knew it. He was the ultimate expert in knowing when a woman was lying to him. There was something about Deidara's 'Italia' jacket wrapped around her cold shoulders that screamed flirt. But Deidara was innocent.

"Hey, it's getting really crowded up here. Let's go back to the hotel and hit the bar." Kisame said still trying to comfort Sasori over the loss of his RAZR.

"Oh my god, she is like so going to bang my brother, yeah." Dana said to Itachi as they filed back into the elevator. "But, she like so deserves it, she's like way shy and Deidara would be the only person to treat her right, yeah." Dana continued.

"God….Deidara is the biggest flirt in the whole fucking world…like even more than I used to be." Itachi said rolling his eyes.

"Itachi, you want to bet on something? 5 dollars says Deidara doesn't even have a clue he does the things he does." Sasori was always up for betting.

"Oh you are so on." Itachi shook on it.


	9. Chapter 9 And it Begins

"Why are you so perky this morning….wait….you got laid didn't you?" Zetsu suspiciously asked Sasori over a morning latte. Sasori smiled.

"Well, that and I'm $75.00 richer." Sasori said. Zetsu shook his head.

"Do you really think Deidara is completely oblivious about what he does? I mean, what if he knows exactly what he's doing?" Zetsu asked knowing good and well how Sasori made his money.

"Zetsu, Deidara is innocent. Someone who knows what they are doing is after a one night stand….Deidara woke up with her all bundled up beside him this morning." Sasori answered.

"How do you know?" Zetsu asked.

"Because the deadbolt on the door was flipped, I walked in to borrow some deodorant, there she was and Itachi and Dana were naked in the bed beside them….they are so fucked up. Who has sex with their boyfriend with their BROTHER in the bed next to them!? Who does that?" Sasori ranted.

"Another blonde." Zetsu said….he was right. Together Deidara and Dana almost had the IQ of a squid.

"So, anyway Olivia is upstairs she's still asleep. I promised to bring her a latte back. You know, we have to start getting ready for this wedding soon." Sasori said.

Meanwhile, upstairs on the 8th floor….

"Oh my god! I leave you alone for one night and you let Tobi get his head stuck in the super slide at Burger King, seriously!?" Hidan was already fighting with Kakuzu and it wasn't even 10:00.

"Hey! I wasn't watching him! It was Zetsu's fault! He ordered a Whopper with cheese and he was enjoying it so much he wasn't watching Tobi!" Kakuzu said.

"Okay, okay okay...I don't want to fight with you today. I get to be a real minister and I don't want you and your sorry ass ruining it! Besides, you're way smarter than Tobi., really." Hidan said.

"Hey, how are you this morning, yeah?" Deidara had his arms around Camille. He was practically on top of her and she didn't mind at all. His voice was soft and calming. Camille loving wrapped her arms around him. It was really quite a tender moment.

"I'm fine." Camille smiled sweetly.

"Do you hurt anywhere, yeah?" Deidara's blonde hair fell in his face.

"No, I feel great….I mean I feel really great." Camille kissed him.

"I'm so glad, yeah." Deidara's precious moment was completely ruined by Kisame pounding on the door and letting himself in (the deadbolt was flipped over…they had a bad habit of not closing the door).

"Deidara……are you naked?" Kisame asked sounding as if he had an immediate request.

"No, yeah." Deidara said reluctantly rolling over to face Kisame.

"Okay, good where is Itachi….I need him!" Kisame said. It was obvious that Kisame was already getting ready for the wedding and he couldn't tie a bow tie.

"He's in the shower, yeah." Deidara said rolling back over revealing that Camille was in bed with him.

"Oh, okay well where's Dana she knows how to tie this damn thing!" Kisame said.

"She's in the shower, yeah." Deidara answered him.

"Oh okay, well…….WAIT A MINUTE! Oh my god! Are they in there together!?" Kisame yelled

"Well, yeah! What did you think I meant Kisame, yeah!?" Deidara yelled back at him.

"Oh my god! You people are so fucked up!" Kisame left in a rage.

"You know I could have tied that for him, yeah." Deidara said to Camille. Thirty minutes later Camille left to get dressed, Itachi and Dana got out of the shower, Deidara got in and Sasori and Olivia were already in the downstairs lobby of the hotel discussing Van Gogh and life. Itachi was admiring his beautiful tux for the wedding…he knew he would look sexy….he knew it would get Dana on top of him….as if that was difficult. Dana was stunning in her black bridesmaid dress. It was a halter style dress with a very long slit in the side. If anyone was going to upstage the bride today….it would be Dana, and it wouldn't even be an intentionally upstaging. By 2:00 everyone had finally gotten dressed and was waiting in the hotel lobby. Hidan's elaborate headdress kept falling forward and so he had to hold on to it. He was overly clad in his religious garb.

Upon their arrival at the Church, the guys and the ladies went their separate ways. It was probably a good thing because no sooner had they parted…Itachi had one of his moments.

"Oh my god! Deidara did you bring the Tide to Go Pen?!" His voice was squeaky.

"Yeah, why, yeah?" Deidara asked flipping blonde hair around.

"Get it! Get the pen! Oh my god get the fucking pen! There's a stain on my white jacket! God get the pen! GET THE PEN!" Now, what Itachi was seeing was a teeny tiny speck about the size of a needle point…it was so small it was hard to actually classify as a 'stain'. "Fucker! Get the Pen!!!!!" Itachi was getting out of control.

"I'm looking, yeah. I'm looking for the pen!" Deidara panicked as he searched through his tux coat pocket. He began to think that maybe he had put too many items in his pockets because he was accumulating a small stack of crap on the table beside them….we'll leave them alone for now….

"Audrey, you look really pretty." Camille said passively. Audrey glared at Camille.

"Oh my god! You got laid! Bitch! That is so not how this works….this is MY wedding….MY day….I'M the one who gets that!" Audrey snapped. Camille was about to cry." Dana quickly grabbed onto Camille to protect her.

"How…..how did you know that?" Camille asked, ready to faint.

"Because bitch…you're glowing all over the place!" Audrey flipped around to go adjust her veil…she didn't notice Dana flipping her off.

"Hi would you like to sign the guest book? Hi would you like to sign the guest book? Hi would you like to sign the guest book? Hi would you like to sign the guest book?" Yes, Tobi you're a good man. Tobi was doing a great job don't you think?

The time was now 3:30…it was time for the wedding to begin….


	10. Chapter 10 Yet Another Hangover

"Pssst…..hey…Itachi…..wanna make a bet?" Sasori whispered as Zetsu and Kisame fought over the last guests to be seated. The last guests were neither on the bride's side nor the groom's….so there was controversy about where to sit them.

"Yeah, okay….uh I guess." Itachi said to Sasori.

"I bet you 25 dollars that Audrey chick flips out over the fact that Dana is actually the hottest girl here."

"Oh you are so on! Audrey won't flip out, it's her fucking wedding! She's going to get laid tonight…did you know that girl has never gotten any!?" Itachi said. However, he got the dagger eyes from Kisame to shut up. Sasori and Olivia were the first to head down the aisle.

"Sasori?" she whispered.

"Yeah?" he said as they made their way very slowly.

"You look so hot today." Ah yes, Olivia was a wild child, she was really in to Sasori.

"No, no Olivia you do sweetheart." She smiled as they approached the front of the church. Of course everyone in the church saw him slap her ass before they parted ways. She laughed like crazy….yeah that would have gone over real well with the bride.

"Okay, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, yeah." As you can imagine poor little Camille was freaking out.

"I can't do this, I can't do this." She pleased with him.

"Yes you can, yeah! Oh! I have an excellent idea, yeah. Here….we'll tie this pillow to you in case you fall over and I can't catch you, yeah!" Deidara said tying her haphazardly to a pillow. And so Deidara and Camille headed towards the front of the church. Kisame shook his head in confusion and looked at Zetsu. Zetsu gave him that 'I don't know man…' look. Well, Camille did faint…into Deidara who fortunately caught her….everything would have been just fine had he not used the Holy Water…or his tongue to wake her up…

"Okay Dana, so far all those other dumb asses have screwed up. Now it's our turn to show these people what they came here for!" Itachi coached. Dana's face lit up.

"Oh! You mean how to get to the hotel where the reception is, yeah?" Dana asked being completely serious.

"No baby, no….Dana…we're the truly beautiful people so let's show them that!"

"Oooooh! Okay, yeah." And so Itachi and Dana took off down the aisle. Of course they walked too fast because they viewed it more as a runway than a church aisle. Yes, they indeed turned heads mainly because they paused at the front of the church and decided to pose for all the fashion photographers that weren't there….in the midst of watching all this, Kisame really wanted a shot of scotch to just forget it all…

FINALLY, Audrey came prancing down the aisle in all her bridal glory. However, she shot death daggers at Dana the moment she got in front of Hidan. She hated the way Dana was a natural blonde with a smile to melt hearts. Hidan knew this was his time. Sasori mouthed the words 'pay up' to Itachi.

"Dearly beloved!" And then the people in the church pews began to scream in horror…..Hidan had thrust his giant sythe-sword combo into the air. "Oh, sorry, sorry, seriously…okay here it is….dearly beloved!" this time he thrust the Bible into the air. Hidan read and read and read and read and read and read and read and read until practically everyone had fallen asleep and Audrey had turned as red as a fiery sunset. "Okay, now you may kiss the bride!" Hidan proclaimed. The cheers throughout the church were that of 'thank god this wedding is over' not so much congratulations. Spite all the weirdness that occurred before Audrey entered the church….she was happy. But, now came the time that everyone was really looking forward to about this wedding….the reception. Audrey was having a huge spread of food and not to mention the bar oooooh things were going to go from wild to wilder….

The reception was in the ball room of another hotel and when they entered the ballroom Sasori saw the one thing that terrified him….a dance floor…it wasn't so much that he would have to dance….it was the fact that he knew Tobi would. And no one was ready for that.

"I am so hungry; I hope that this food is worth all this trouble we've gone through." Zetsu said.

"Do you think her cake will be low fat, yeah? Dana asked.

"Oh my god Dana! I was thinking that same thing….it's like we're psychotic or something, yeah." Deidara said. Itachi shook his head in disgust.

"Deidara! The word is PSYCHIC and you two definitely AREN'T!" Itachi hissed.

"Oooooh." Deidara said with a hint of sadness.

Once inside the ballroom they found the 'Akatsuki' table. Fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you view the situation the bridesmaids had places at the Akatsuki table.

"Itachi? How does my ass look in this dress, yeah? I was really self-conscious about it during the wedding, yeah." Dana said.

"Dana, your ass looks hot." Itachi assured her.

"Like do me hot, or like she works out hot, yeah?" Dana asked.

"Do me hot." Itachi told her.

"Okay, yeah." Dana felt much better.

"Whoa, check out the buffet. God! I can't wait until the bride and groom get here so we can eat!" Kisame said. Zetsu sat at the table but he couldn't see anyone on the other side because of the giant center piece in the table.

"You know I would CALL OROCHIMARU if some BLONDE DUMBASS hadn't destroyed my phone!" Sasori said rolling his eyes.

"Oh, Sasori. Let's you and I hit the martini bar. If you're lucky you'll forget about the phone and start thinking about my underwear." Olivia said.

"You are the coolest bridesmaid in the world!" Sasori proclaimed sweeping her off to the bar.

"So, do you like feel better now, yeah?" Deidara asked Camille readjusting her hair around her face.

"Yes, thanks for tying the pillow to me and catching me." Camille said. So far this wedding was low key…..Zetsu and Hidan reeeeeallly wanted it to stay that way. However, that lasted for about 4.7 seconds because Dana and Deidara screamed like the girls they were when the DJ played 'Promiscuous Girl'. They had been doing a duet to that ever since that song hit the radio and right now was no exception. Zetsu and Hidan were not pleased.

"Why does he have to do that? Why? Why can't he be like every other brother and hate his sister?" Sasori asked disgruntled. He had to admit that he was partially jealous because Deidara looked so incredibly good in his Armani tux and Dana was the most beautiful sister anyone could ever ask for….damn why did Sasori turn his sisters into puppets! They were so nice! The bride and the groom came into the reception hall and it was time to conquer the buffet. Akatsuki took the term buffet quite literally because Kisame, Tobi, Hidan, Zetsu and Sasori each had 3 plates a piece….however Deidara and Itachi being the weight conscious girls that they were, had half of one plate.

"What are you putting in my mouth, yeah?" Dana asked.

"It's not what I put in your mouth last night, here just lick it." Itachi told her. At this point Sasori and Hidan were staring pretty hard at these two.

"Oh you are a sick fuck! You know that! I know what you're thinking! You damn perverts! Last night I made Dana try a dried low sugar apricot….she didn't like it!" Itachi laughed to himself. "Of course you did like what I shoved in your mouth next." He said that low enough for only her to hear.

"Oh my god! Speaking of sucking on stuff, listen…to…this, yeah." That's all we needed was of Deidara's stupid dinner stories. "This one time when I was 16 I got my tongue stuck to a Popsicle, yeah. And the weird part was that it was the tongue in my right hand and I so couldn't write anything for like…..20 minutes, yeah…... I didn't know that Popsicle would be cold." The blank stares at Deidara said everything.

Three hours, and 15 drinks later it was time to return to the hotel. Of course, Sasori had to get one last bet in because they would be returning home the next day.

"Zetsu my man, let's make a bet."

"Okay." Zetsu said.

"I bet you 37 dollars that Itachi gets to the hotel room and underneath Dana before Deidara gets back there with Camille."

"Man, I can't bet on that, you know that Itachi will throw Deidara's blonde ass out of that room if he gets remotely close to the door."

"I'll bet you. I bet you 40 dollars that Deidara gets there first. Itachi will screw Dana in the elevator."

"You are so on." Sasori said.

Well, it had been an eventful wedding weekend and just as Sasori had predicted Itachi had gotten into the hotel room before Deidara….he knew this because Deidara ended up in Sasori room. However, the next morning it would be time to sleep the hangovers away on the flight back home….

Well, I hope you enjoyed the wedding. My next story is Akatsuki Holiday. Look forward to it!


End file.
